Planning a wedding is probably tough. You need to figure out the invitations, venue, wedding dress etc. This can be one of the most stressful and exciting moments for a girl getting married. The guys however, have a much different stress and excitement… Picking the best man and groomsman! Now if you’re anything like me you have way too many best friends to decide who gets in and who doesn’t. Chances are your antisocial girlfriend has only left you with 3-5 spots. Just like your myspace top friends, not having the people that matter most to you up there will hurt their feelings. To me there is only 2 logical ways to circumvent all this unnecessary discord between friends. The first is to just put some family members in there that barely love you (No hard feelings Mike) or you do a good ol’ fashioned.:. BATTLE ROYALE!

The game is simple gentleman:

A cabin weekend away where you and anyone eligible for best man/groomsmanship attend and compete for your favor in a series of scored events!

Each event will be scored Grand Prix style. For example if there are 10 people the first place guy in event 1 gets 10 points 2nd gets 9 and so on. It is inevitable that some events will favor one person or another and this scoring system will allow the top tier players to compete and the lower tier players to fights for more points.

The events for the weekend will vary from groom to groom, however they should have a solid mix of games that everyone can be competitive at. Drinking games are a must. Most importantly this weekend should resemble a Spartan Race by instead of physical cross fit it’s liver CrossFit. Tournaments are encouraged for games like smash bros or beer pong to ensure each person can be placed 1-10. Below is a short list of suggested events for the weekend:

-Beer pong tournament

-Smash bros tournament

-Jeopardy about me

-Wizard staff in the background

Texas Hold em

The total scores from each event will be totaled and the first place person will be your best man, second will be the first groomsman and so on. Once all the spots are filled the only thing the losers can be upset about is their own shame, ultimately putting you off the hook.

Just when you thought this couldn’t get more hype as an added option you can throw in “fuck you” tokens. Each event can have a token that will handicap another player. Each person will start with 1000 Monopoly money and with this, at the beginning of every round, they can bid on the “fuck you” and delegate it to whomever they want for that event. These “fuck you” tokens should be revealed just prior to each event. At the end of the tournament will be the Texas hold ’em tournament. The starting pot will be 1000 and whatever you didn’t spend fucking people over gets added to your original pot, leaving an opportunity to double the starting pot.

I encourage everyone to spread the word of this revolutionary bachelor party tradition. Together we could change the world one beer at a time!

-The Big D