Anyway, my buddy recently had an encounter with the opposite sex that ended in him giving her the best 3 minutes of her life, or so he says. And seeing as how I’m effectively a born again virgin (not by choice) I get to live vicariously through this nasty mother fucker’s surprisingly active shrimp dickery. And I’ll never forget the phone call I got after that fateful night..

“Hey man, you’re not gonna believe what happened last night.”-Friend

“You finally satisfied a woman..?”-Commish

“We both know that’s not physically possible. But seriously, I think I have PTSD.”-Friend

“Alright, let’s hear it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, DID SHE HAVE A FUCKING DICK?! For the love of all that is holy, please tell me you got pegged by a goddamn tranny last night.”-Commish

“I wish that was the case dude.”-Friend

“Well what the fuck happened then?!”-Commish

“Alright, so after I dumped ten pounds of pudding in her I went to the bathroom to take a much needed piss. Pretty standard right. So as I unsuspectingly lift up the toilet seat I’m casually greeted by what can only be described as a ‘party-sized Snickers’ hunk of shit.. nuts and all dude.” – Friend

“Did you try to shoot it off with your piss” -Commish

“What is this amateur hour? Of course I did. The best part is after that I went back in there and I fucked her again. There legitimately might be something wrong with me.”-Friend

“Or something incredibly right with you..”-Commish

MIND FUCKING BLOWN. How fucking hard was this lady pushing to have had her shit catapult from her asshole to the bottom of the toilet seat. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my fare share of explosive episodes, but never have I ever had a hunk of shit hit the water so hard that it trampolined back onto the goddamn lid. I could literally not be more proud or medically concerned for this girl.